DMX Legal

I often like to imagine rapper DMX in other professions
--this particular one was inspired by seeing a random (possibly homeless) person walking by, having an argument with themselves while barking (or maybe it was coughing, but it sounded like barking).

Opening Statement:
Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf ... Arf Arf .  arf.  Arf Arf Arf.

Rebuttal:
Your honor, I hardly see how this is relevant or even appropriate, as the defendant is being tried on multiple dog fighting charges.

Cross Examination:
Arf.  Woof Woof.  Bark Bark Bark.

Rebuttal:
Really, I mean, really?  The defendant's counsel has just relieved himself on our table.

Habeus Corpus:
Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf.  Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark.

Rebuttal:
Is Habeus Corpus even a part of the trial process?

Closing Argument:
Clearly you can see this man is innocent.

Rebuttal:
I give up.