So anyway, we arrive at that place where Snape is about to kill Dumbledore, just in time to stop them.
“Severus Snape, please stop kindly from killing Dumbledore,” I said.
“Damnit Knuttel, you don’t know the implications, you see I have to kill Dumbledore,” Snape said.
“Well I have specific orders from Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D, or does that mean nothing around here?” I said.
“Actually, it doesn’t. S.H.I.E.L.D is an American organization with no jurisdiction here in Harry Potter land,” Snape said.
“Well, the Queen said it too,” I said, knowing it to be a lie, I mean, who would listen to a “Queen”.
“So you admit it to be a lie then?” Snape said.
“Oh god, not you too. I made a deal with the wizards that nobody is breaking the fourth wall so long as I only use the word ‘said’ to indicate words have been spoken,” I said.
“Oh, yeah, that does get annoying and distracting. I’ll go along with it. I’ll just ignore that tidbit that just happened,” Snape said.
“So, Severus Snape, if you would kindly stop from killing Dumbledore, that would be greatly appreciated,” I said.
“Damnit Knuttel, you don’t know the implications!”
“Really? We’re really going through this whole bit again?”
“…”
“Fine! Oh, well the Queen said it too.”
“Oh, well I guess I can stop, but you still don’t know the implications!”
“Fine, what are they, you seem dieing to say it.”
“Well, first of all, I have entered into an unbreakable pact with Draco Malfart, stating I would help him kill Dumbledore if he was unable to do it.”
“Yo, Snape, I’m right here,” said the albino Malfoy.
“Right, anyway, I have to kill him because Malfoy is too much of a pansy to do it himself.”
“Wait, why is Malfoy trying to kill Dumbledore, I mean, he’s not a death eater or anything, is he?” Hermione said.
“Oh, right, Malfoy is a death eater, and I am too,” Snape said.
“You’re a death eater?! But weren’t you in charge of protecting my mind from Voldemort last year?”
“Oh, right, I’m a death eater, but I’m also not a death eater. I’m like a triple agent. I help out Dumbledore by spying on Voldemort by being a death eater, who is supposed to be infiltrating Dumbledore’s side,” Snape said.
“YOU INSOLENT FOOL, SNAPE, HOW DARE YOU REVEAL YOURSELF LIKE THAT!!” Voldemort said, appearing from the foggy moors of Harry Potter Land.
And with that, he zapped Snape with an Ava Kevadra or whatever and blew him into smithereens.
“And now all of you, right here where I want you, except you Malfart, you can run along, I really don’t care what you do anymore.”
“Does everyone really call me that?” Malfoy said.
“Yeah, nobody really likes you,” pretty much everybody said.
Malfoy huffed out of the room like a whiny bitch. Everyone blew a sigh of relief, and then the urgency of the situation hit once more. Will our heroes escape this dastardly trap set by the Dark Lord? Tune in next week, same Knut time, same Knut channel…
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