Sasquatch ... we know your brew is real

 The new label for the imperial stout I recently made.  The picture was inspired by the Patterson Sasquatch image, though hastily redrawn as a silhouette in the "I want to get this done in less than a minute" style.

On the next X-Men: Evolution

Stools

Beer Label

Well, I've been making a lot of beer recently, and because of this, I have created a bunch of labels for said beer.

This may be the first one that doesn't overtly infringe on any sort of copyrights, subtley or overtly (the mention of trader vic's can be little more than free pub (side note, are they still around) and it should be understood as a Warren Zevon reference).

I went back to black and white cos color was simply sapping all of the juice from my printer.

Oh, and yeah, totally doing a lager -- watch out world.  I'll put more on that on my other (mr.serious) blog later.

-- Knuttel

P.S. how about that custom font?

P.P.S. i'm not a real (licensed) doctor (in this country)

Breaking the Breaking wheel explanation

Not really explaining the piece, no sense in doing that.  Once it's out, it's out, and maybe you can guide the discussion (hah, people discussing my writing), but it's not really yours anymore.

Anyway, I had written this in college, senior year to be specific (so 2008).  It was an assignment for a class (in fact, I need to finish more non-assigned stories of mine; maybe the looming hand in deadline just forces me to finish).

Fast forward 3 years (shit, it's really been 3 years) and the Philadelphia DA is going balls out (prolly poor word choice there) against the Philadelphia Archdiocese about molestation and stuff in regards to active clergy.  20-some or 30-some priests are now removed from active duty and I remembered I had written this story about this kind of stuff, I guess.

So there it is.  Maybe I'll edit it later (it hasn't been touched in 3 years, and I have plenty of feedback to make decent changes), but yeah, this is as it was.

Maybe I'll put up more of my old stories later (in fact I wanna say that was one of my reasons for starting this second page).

-- Knuttel

Breaking the Breaking Wheel

The earth was brown. The hills, the fields, everything, brown. Winter was ending and everything was still in the process of thawing out. Small blocks of snow and ice led to black pools and puddles. Some farm animals were out congregating in the fields, black sheep, white sheep, cows. A raven sat on a bare tree branch looking out to the same view I had.

I was driving into the countryside to give a dieing priest his last rites and deathbed confession. It’s kind of funny, giving a priest a deathbed confession. You really wouldn’t figure a priest to be much of a sinner. No, you expect them to be a more upright citizen, an example of how to lead your own life in some ways. I could only imagine his list of sins – Forgive me Father, but I didn’t say my morning prayers yesterday; forgive me Father, but I phoned in last week’s sermon. Sure, we’re all human, but you’d like to think those in service of the Lord try themselves to be a little better, trying as much not to give into certain baneful needs of our mortal shell.

Beer Logo

So I've been brewing a lot of beer recently, and I've been using pretty basic labels (mostly just as identification).  Anyways, a friend of mine told me the idea he had for my logo, and I went about doing in (in MS paint, might actually look better in photoshop, but whatevs, don't have photoshop).  It is quite interesting to see your face right above a set of breasts, drawn or not, I will say that much.  I guess I could list specific styles below the title banner.

-- Knuttel, with thanks to Rob

DMX Legal

I often like to imagine rapper DMX in other professions
--this particular one was inspired by seeing a random (possibly homeless) person walking by, having an argument with themselves while barking (or maybe it was coughing, but it sounded like barking).

Opening Statement:
Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf ... Arf Arf .  arf.  Arf Arf Arf.

Rebuttal:
Your honor, I hardly see how this is relevant or even appropriate, as the defendant is being tried on multiple dog fighting charges.

Cross Examination:
Arf.  Woof Woof.  Bark Bark Bark.

Rebuttal:
Really, I mean, really?  The defendant's counsel has just relieved himself on our table.

Habeus Corpus:
Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf.  Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark.

Rebuttal:
Is Habeus Corpus even a part of the trial process?

Closing Argument:
Clearly you can see this man is innocent.

Rebuttal:
I give up.

DMX Cellular

I often like to imagine rapper DMX in other professions...

"
TALK IS CHEAP MOTHERFUCKER, and now texting is too, unlimited data plans for only 29.99

Y'ALL GONNA MAKE ME TALK ALL NIGHT, UP IN HERE, UP IN HERE, with our monthly minute plan, it doesn't matter when you have to talk

STOP, DROP, TEXT EM UP LIKE A FIEND NOW...

"

My Life Is Jersey Shore

I want what Ronnie And Sammie have #mlijs

I introduce myself by a nickname I gave myself and nobody else uses #mlijs

I consider it a compliment when someone calls me a juicehead #mlijs

When I have to fill out my race on forms I put down "tan" #mlijs

I end my sentances in prepositions #mlijs

I use tanning salons year-round, even when I spend the summer at the shore #mlijs

I bedazzle my underwears #mlijs

GTL #mlijs #gtl

I cockblock my friends when I get shot down #mlijs

It doesn't matter if you're actually strong, just if you look strong #mlijs

I'm actually from New York #mlijs

I want what Ronnie and Sammie had #mlijs

I believe reality tv is a direct pathway to screen acting #mlijs

That girl totally gave me a handy in a bathroom stall at karma #mlijs

Springsteen?  Kevin Smith?  they weren't guidos #mlijs

Yeah im a musician.  i play the turntables #mlijs

If Cars Were People

For some reason I think something like this should happen in the Cars sequel (I know there's gonna be one, it was too craptastic for there not to be; sadly it's the low point of Larry the Cable Guy's career, wait, did I just semi-colon inside a parentheses?  Oh shit.  I should probably end this).

post script -- I didn't think I'd have to explain this, but it's supposed to be a car giving birth.  The idea came about when I was driving down some road and saw a car backing out of one of these truck things, remarking, it's like it's giving birth.  This conversation also led to the upcoming series -- The Gospel of Electric Car Jesus.

"Udder Humiliation"

My first ever comic/image etc whatever you wanna call it -- "Udder Humiliation"

-- Knuttel

Saga of Whiny Bitches and the future

So yeah, the story below has a shitton of errors (at the very least by my own standards), but honestly I don't care too much in this particular instance.  I wrote it mainly as a way to keep writing after college even when I didn't have too many ideas ready to burst forth from my Knuttel-y writing womb.  The idea came about when my sister, who reads (or perhaps read (past tense) now) waaaay too much fanfiction -- mostly (if not only) of Harry Potter and Twilight.  Often making fun of these, the idea came across for me to write my own, knowing absolutely nothing about the latter set of books, aside from an extremely basic premise.  So naturally I had to interject myself into the story, and just make myself as awesome as possible, I guess.  I also had to eventually toss in other pre-made fictional characters, as they both added to my awesomeness and also let the story survive, really -- I mean, I know a fair amount of Harry Potter, but I read the novels once, when I did it backwards right after the 7th one came out in Summer 2007.  Besides, how many times are you going to see a character from Moby-Dick in a fan fiction?

All of that being said, I originally finished writing this sometime last summer.  I put it up cos it kinda fit the theme I was going for -- random ass ideas coming to fruition.  I chopped it up since it was long (I think it's around 30 pages double spaced) and finally gave it a title (of which I am only partially satisfied, but I guess it's finally done) right before posting.

I guess this means that more of this kind of stuff will continue to get posted, though I think I will reserve chopping only for the longer pieces.  I'll also try to put something new up before I dig again into my Knuttel-y archives.  This is supposed to encourage me to write more damnit, not reflect on how awesome I am.

-- Knuttel

The Saga of Whiny Bitches, Part 8: Resolutions and etc.

“But how come he doesn’t leave behind a corporal body, you know, like most people and wizards?” Hermione said.

The Saga of Whiny Bitches, Part 7: The Mystery of the Chessboxing

“And now, what are all of these muggles doing here? I shall smite thee to death!” Voldemort said.

The Saga of Whiny Bitches, Part 6: Snape Kills Dumbledore?

So anyway, we arrive at that place where Snape is about to kill Dumbledore, just in time to stop them.

The Saga of Whiny Bitches, Part 5: Enter 1997

So I step out of the car, followed closely by the stowaways. I take a few steps before I realize that Superman (as portrayed by a Reeves) is in my path. OK, I actually walked straight into him, with so much purpose and determination (I had to save a life damnit!) that the man in blue fell on his ass. This momentary brush bugged me so I stopped and looked around to see what it was that happened. I look down to see Superman sobbing into his cape, loudly blowing his nose at regular intervals.

The Saga of Whiny Bitches, Part 4: Trouble -- IN TIME

Just then, as I’m shaking it out, I get a call on my cell phone.

The Saga of Whiny Bitches, Part 3: Welcome to Washington

I arrived in Forks, it didn’t take me long due to my impeccable sense of direction, aided by my impeccable sense of smell. I drove around, looking for some grunge music, when I saw some dude just parked outside of a middle school. He looked like a heroin addict, so I assumed he was going to sell heroin to middle-school students. Not being cool with this, I got out of my car and asked him in some very kind words what his business was.

The Saga of Whiny Bitches, Part 2: We Know Your Love Is Real

It was nice catching up with Starbuck, but I needed to find some hella grungy music, and Starbuck only really listens to the Jonas Brothers, so I couldn’t ask him. I went into the woods to look for the tribe of Sasquatch. It was really my only option, as it was really rainy, and nobody was outside.

The Saga of Whiny Bitches, Part 1: Departure

A hero, a true hero, is a rare thing in this world. Very often it’s simply a misspelling, Hiro, and refers to a little Japanese boy. But when a true hero comes along, one who displays heroism, that is something special.

The First/The Debut

etc etc and so on and so forth

I have had this title just sitting forever, and I've been having a hard time figuring out what to put on here.

First it was going to be me writing as if I am some man from the future talking about news events and then disregarding them with random facts about the future -- mostly dealing with super-internationalism and the like.  But that's kinda too close to my old (other) blog, which has become mostly writing about news stories.

Then it was going to be me writing about the subtext of the sexual lives of comic book characters -- mostly Marvel, as it's my forte.  Sadly this format would eventually become limited, possibly repetitive.  Plus it's something I'd rather do anonymously, and the internet becomes increasingly un-anonymous.

So instead I shall use this to display my experimental writings, and possibly other projects.  For some reason I feel more need to do these kinds of things when I actually have a method of displaying them and that kind of thing.

So here is to the spirit of experimentation!

Cheers.

-- Knuttel